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When to Stay and Fight. When to Walk Away.

When to Stay and Fight. When to Walk Away.

Relationships as are hard. They take work from both sides, communication, commitments, trust, promises, and even at times sacrifices. The ups and downs can be drastic and at times the downs can be so down you truly wonder if it is worth it. I was in a position a little over a year ago; where I kept debating if this relationship was worth it? Should I fight to keep the relationship or should I choose to end it and walk away. Talking to my friends was never really helpful because I always talked about my side of things. I knew that the only way I could make the right and best choice for me was to think of why I should stay and why I should fight.

By no means am I a relationship expert; As you can tell from my previous storytime I don’t exactly choose winners. So what can you actually do if you are not sure if you should stay and fight or walk away and leave? I broke down a few things that I considered in my relationships, as well as things I bring up to my friends and siblings to consider in theirs. It really works great at seeing if you are in a healthy relationship or not. 

Stay and Fight: 

  • The good far outweighs the bad 
    • When you look back at the moments you have more good than bad times. 
  • They work hard to prove/show that they want you in their life
    • Be it them calling after work, arranging dates, or even making sure they spend time to see or talk to you 
  • You also want them in yours
    • I always say when you close your eyes and all your dreams, come true who is in the room? If you picture them; well I would say you want them in your life
  • Their actions speak louder than their words
    • Maybe you said you like sour path kids on car rides and they always have a sour patch, or that your get cold so they make sure they have a sweatshirt or blanket for you. They just don’t say they are going to do something they actually do it
  • They want to work on the issues or the “bad” times in a positive helpful way
    • We all fight in relationships, but it’s how you fight that makes all the difference. And yes there are healthy and nonhealthy ways to fight. 
  • You want to work on the problems 
    • Now when I say work on the problems you do to want to say how you’re right and they are wrong. You want to come up with a solution that will benefit the relationship. (If you are always doing the dishes after both of you cook then maybe, he does the dishes when you cook and vice versa.) 
  • When you communicate; they listen 
    • Now, this may be so simple but nothing is more annoying them repeating your feelings each and every day and not seeing change, and not seeing that they understand or care. 
  • You feel appreciated and respected
    • You know they appreciate the things you do as well as the input you have. You do not feel as if you are constantly being pushed to the side or that your ideas and feelings do not matter. 

Walk Away:

  • You hold back or change information when talking to others
    • If you like to go to your friends for advice when you are in a fight or struggling with your relationship a big red flag it’s not a good relationship is your changing the story to make it seem not so bad or make the other person seem not so mean/bad.
  • You are lying so people like them
    • If you are lying to make them look better than they are please leave. (I use to lie and say oh I could not go to this event with him because I was traveling for work; when in reality he never invited me. I never traveled; I had a dress on hold at Macy’s. I sat home alone all night and got snaps of him at the party all night long. And yes he was allowed to bring a plus 1)
  • You catch them in multiple lies
    • Now I know lying is never okay; but I know I have told a lie to keep a present o surprise a secret. These lies I am talking about never add up, they change their story, the timelines do not match it’s the bad lies. The ones you catch them in and they get mad, or even change the story or call you out for “overthinking”
  • Things are one-sided 
    • If you are always the one having to plan dates, put in the effort, travel to them, and feel like everything is on you. Kind of like if you stopped trying there would be no relationship. A relationship takes effort from both sides. 
  • You question your worth 
    • You don’t feel like a girlfriend or boyfriend even though you are in a relationship. You feel more like a side chick and when you bring it up they don’t care or try and show you that you are way more than that. 
  • You are Miserable 
    • Take a deep breath and truly think…am I happy right now? Be when they are there or when they are not. 
  • You’re put down 
    • They talk down to you and belittle you. They don’t allow you to be your full potential. It’s not in a joking manner but in a controlling manner. (Don’t worry we all tease people from time to time, but we don’t do it on a consistent basis) 
  • Your questions are not answered 
    • When you question things you are called paranoid, an overthinker, and so much more. You may also notice answers change. (I had an ex who I questioned why I had not met his friends after 3 months of dating; was told I like my relationships private, 3 people know, no one knows, and my personal favorite why would I want you to me them?)

As someone who has been in this situation of question what is right; I have some answers but I do not have all the answers. I can honestly say there are things on this list that may not apply to everyone; just like there are things not on here that may apply. I know every relationship is unique and has its own quirks, and moments but it’s still good to know if you should stay (healthy relationship) or if you should leave (a toxic relationship). This should also go without saying but even if you have a healthy relationship and you don’t like them anymore, don’t stay in it. It’s okay to move on; as you deserve to be happy. 

So please take a deep breath, relax and know that whatever happens I’m here for you. Always! I may be a “stranger” but I will happily talk to you about anything you need consider me an in bias party! Remember you deserve to be happy, you deserve the world, and you are absolutely worth it. Don’t you dare settle!!! XO KMH

 

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