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Steps for Moving on After a Break-up

Steps for Moving on After a Break-up

We all dream or dreamt of our first relationship, or maybe even that the person we are talking to turns into our next relationship; it’s one of the worst parts about moving on. Once the relationship has started we look forward and hope for a bright amazing future with them. The one thing we never plan for is the breakup. How does one move on from all we thought a relationship could be? 

Breaking up is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Whether you were the one who did the breaking up or you were the one who got broke up with; even at times when the breakup was mutual the next steps are hard. You go from talking to someone, doing activities together, having them be a part of your life. I know first hand even when I was in a toxic relationship and was able to get out of it; I still struggled with moving on. I had adjusted my life to make room for him, and when he wasn’t there I had to adjust again to a new way. One that he was not in; but one that helped make sure I never put myself in that situation again. 

Over the years I have learned a few tips and tricks to help me with moving on in a successful and happy manner. These are tips I have learned from friends, family, and even just trial and error. 

  • Take Space 
    • Ask for space and take it; and if it’s asked of you to give them space give it. Don’t reach out and contact them or check-in to see how they are. Even if you have their stuff you can drop it off when you know they are not home or even mail it back to them. 
  • Delete/Block
    • Now, this is not something that I recommend for everyone. However, if you have removed yourself from a toxic situation; please block them on everything and delete their info. Don’t write it down or save it “just in case” you do not deserve nor do you belong in a toxic relationship. 
  • Get rid of the memories
    • This was always the hardest thing for me to do but was always the most successful for me. I would always find myself looking at the photos or videos of what was. For me, I would either delete the photos or at least hide them or move them out of my everyday photo album. 
  • Do an activity(s) for you
    • Focus on yourself and what you need to do to feel better. Be it go to a club/bar, join a gym, eat some ice cream, watch “She’s the Man”, etc. Whatever you need to do that will help with the happiness you deserve
    • Another great thing to do and activity you always wanted to do too (go skydiving, swim with sharks) is creating memories you can focus on when you created your own happiness as opposed to creating it with someone.
  • Community Service 
    • I find that when I was put down a lot in a relationship I often felt like I was worthless. So something I would do to prove to myself that I have value was to do community service. Habitat for humanity, cleaning out my closet, volunteering at an animal shelter, etc. They keep your mind busy and help you feel good inside too
  • Put time and effort into you 
    • Work on you, focus on you, help you thrive. There are so many ways that you could do this; my personal all-time favorite talk to a therapist and my other favorite workout. Talking to a non-bias party is always great to help sort out your emotions and feelings. Going to the gym or working out (Zumba, yoga, boxing work too) is a great way to get stress out. 
  • Surround yourself with people who love and care about you 
    • After a break up at times we all want to shut the world out; but please even if it’s just for me let someone in. Take the call from your mom even if all you can do is cry on the phone, let your best friend come over and hold, go home, and lay with your family dog. Remind yourself that you deserve love and that one day you are going to find someone who not only gives you the love you deserve but also wants the love you give. 
  • Take time to heal 
    • All things take time, could be a day, a week, a month, a year, or any time bigger or smaller. The only person who can say you are over someone and ready to move on is you. Don’t worry about what other people tell you; take as much or as little time as you need.  

Understand there is no linear way to get over a breakup. Everyone has their own steps, processes, and even their own time frame. Moving on is scary because no one plans on going into a relationship prepping for a breakup; Unfortunately, they happen and are a part of life. Whatever you are going through just remember to take a deep breath and know I am so proud of you for taking a step moving forward. It’s not going to be easy, some days you’re going to do amazing and other days you are going to swear that their scent is on the pillows even after you washed them five times. Just remember you deserve to be happy, this pain will end, and you will find happiness. All good things take time.

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