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My First Time in Love

My First Time in Love

I remember the first time I ever told someone I loved them and meant it; I knew i was in love well before i even said it. I was way too young to be saying it but I knew I liked this person way more than “I really like you”; But I am jumping ahead a bit. I was 13 years old, I had a guy friend that I only saw once a year in person but we talked every day, all day, about everything. Nothing was off-limits, no judgments were ever made when one spoke the other listened, sometimes giving their opinion or advice and other times just listening to the other vent. I had never had someone in my life who knew me better than I knew myself. 

When we did see each other, we always spent every minute we possibly could together, and you guessed it when we were not together we were texting. Sometimes even counting down the time till we saw each other again. I could absolutely go a day without talking to him but why would I want to? He was my friend and he knew everything about me. To be honest, here I was so young I never really thought I had a crush on him until it was brought to my attention. We were always sharing headphones, listening to new music, watching Jeff Dunham, walking super close together, giving long or excessive hugs. Hell, he even got me a huge five-pound Hersey kiss chocolate for Valentine’s day (yes he even knew I hated that day). Yes even with all of these signs I had no idea he was into me. It wasn’t until we were leaving our friend’s place, a bunch of us were in the elevator. I had gone to press the down button and felt someone grab my hand. Naturally being with my little brother I thought it was him and told him to let go of my hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as my best friend’s face dropped and his hand let go of mine as he stared at the floor. 

By the time we got to the bottom floor hopped in our respective rides and went back to where we were staying. My heart was racing. Did what I think just happened really happen? Do I text him and ask? Why am I so angry he let go? When we finally did talk about it everything made sense and I knew I had liked him all along. And yes I even told him I loved him and He said he loved me too. No, we are not together anymore, in fact, we don’t even speak or follow each other on any social media (wherever he is in the world I do hope he is doing well though). Bittersweet I know; However I am so grateful for that relationship and that first love because it taught me everything I needed to know to get me where I am today. 

That first I love you set a standard for every I love you after and even every relationship. I knew I was in love because I wanted to share everything with him even the little things as I fell down the stairs. Now if I find myself trying to hide something from my significant other I know I don’t love them (at least not yet). I also loved walking with him, spending time with him, or even being with him because he felt at home. By this, I mean felt like I could be myself, let my hair down, feel safe, put on my comfy clothes, and just rock out with no judgment or care in the world other than them being happy that I was being myself. Now when it comes to dating I always put effort into the people who feel like home. Because I know I’ll feel safe whenever I am with them. I focus on someone who listens not to respond but to understand and either gives comfort, support, advice, or even just a nod that I can vent. 

Trust me I know how crazy it sounds that I learned all of this at 13 and still apply it to my life at 26. Personally, I wouldn’t change it for the world, it helped me to understand how powerful the word Love is, that it should only be used when you truly feel it and mean it. Don’t get me wrong over the years I have learned a few other things along the way, but at 13 I learned the most important lesson when it comes to love. When you say it mean it with every fiber of your being; and when you mean it says it loud and says it proud. Because you can truly never overuse I love you. That’s a moment people replay in their minds over and over and over again, even years later.

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