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Restarting and Soul Searching

Restarting and Soul Searching

With everything, that has happened I needed some soul searching before I did a hard life reset or as some life to say restarting. I can honestly say May 2021 has been the worst month for me that I have experienced in a long time. Between the break-up, no longer being employed, and having to make the hard decision that it’s time to say goodbye to my furry best friend of 12 years my emotions and mindset have been the biggest cluster fuck that it possibly could be. I’ve been doing my best to just go day by day problem-by-problem but it’s been the hardest month for me that I could remember in a long time. 

As someone who loves to offer advice. I truly was at a complete loss of where to go for comfort; where do I go to be told that everything is going to be okay and work out? I couldn’t turn to a significant other and cry in their arms didn’t have that anymore. I couldn’t drown myself in hours of work to fill the empty voids that were gone too. I had never felt so lost and alone then I have the last few days. Luckily I have a wonderful group of friends and family who have rallied around me to talk, sit and listen, offer advice, or even just sit with me so I did not feel so alone. 

Over the last few days, I have received so much love, comfort, and support but mostly advice. So naturally, I wrote them all down, I listened to the advice, and I even started questioning a few things, especially on the big questions of what now? What is next? And although it’s only been a few days each day I feel a little bit better and that I am moving in the right direction. So I figured I would not be your Internet big sister if I didn’t share them with you. Soul searching was hard and restarting was harder but I truly believe it is all for the better. 

  1. Mediate
    • My older brother swears by it and the few times I have tried it I knew that I would only get out what I put in. I have found taking the time to isolate, clear my mind and just relax has helped my thoughts become more organized and me to be more in control of my emotions. 
    • Not every day is a successful meditation day and not every mediation works nor does it work for everyone. But if you actually give it 100% you may see results but you have to give it 100%.
  2. Journaling 
    • I talked about this before but journaling is one of my favorite outlets. The main reason being is you have to be so honest with yourself and your emotions. I love to just write anything and everything I am feeling. If my sweater is itchy I write it down. If I woke up and felt my mind was heavy I question why and what can I do to fix it the rest of the day or even for tomorrow. 
    •  It doesn’t have to connect or flow smoothly; it can just be streams and bursts of your subconscious. The trick is being 100% honest with yourself; if you’re still feeling miserable own up to it, writing it down the hardest step is always admitting it. You’ll never get better if you keep lying to yourself; you’ll just be pushing your feelings down deeper. 
  3. Yoga
    • Just like meditation with yoga, what you put in is what you are going to get out of it. But yoga is great at working on your breathing and focusing on a positive mindset. I also love my yoga classes because for one whole hour I have the belief in myself and push myself to bend deeper in a stretch, hold a pose a bit longer, or even try to balance on one foot. It sounds crazy but at the end of each class, I feel accomplished far beyond just completing a class. It is more along the lines of I believed in myself for one hour doing yoga, what can I do if I believed in myself for an hour outside of yoga? 
    •  There are tons of different yoga classes that you can take many different teachers and classes; it’s all about finding what suits you best. As well as how much you want to put into it. It’s also a great class to help with goal setting and achieving. You want to be able to do an unassisted headstand. It takes time, patience, and shocker you need to believe in yourself. 
  4. Ask Yourself the Tough Questions 
    • When everything fell apart my older brother called me and one of the first things he said to me was have you asked yourself the tough questions? I was like what tough questions? And he laid them all out for me. 
    • Are you happy? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do?  What steps do you need to take to do this? 
    •  He called these the tough questions; because we often don’t ask ourselves them. We just assume we know the answers already or we are just settling for the life we are living and think it will just get better or we’ll be more satisfied as time goes on. 
  5. Solo Trip 
    • I truly believe some alone time can answer a lot of your own questions as well as sort out your own feelings. However, I also believe that you can’t do that in the comfort of your 4 walls. Being by yourself in a new place you’re forced to be alone with your thoughts and feelings and emotions. You don’t have to explain them to anyone. 
    •     Now a solo trip I do not mean you have to hop on a plane and hike the Grand Canyon. It could be that; or you could just take a day to visit an aquarium, a park, a local hike, or even a trail. Something unfamiliar that you can do to just spend the day with your thoughts where they can’t eat you alive but you are able to sort through them. 
  6. Focus on Why
    • Why are you doing this? Why are you feeling these emotions? Why did you let it get this bad? Why did you do it? 
    • Then why is always the hardest question but one of the most important? Then why is often the key to the breakthrough? Please know the why may not be as simple as why it snows in the winter. It may take some time before you have the answer to the why; just don’t lose sight of the question Why. 
  7. What makes you feel alive? 
    • I find this question the hardest because it’s always changing for me. I always try to look for things that bring me long-term happiness. I know whenever I play lacrosse or just pick up my stick all my troubles fade away and I’m happy for that time being. But I know there are more things that can make me feel alive. 
    • I am always searching for more, what makes me feel most alive, gets my blood rushing, keeps me up at night with excitement, and is eager for a future full of life. 
  8. Self Help Books/Habit Trackers 
    • Self-help books may seem really dumb but the world can be a really overwhelming place and it’s hard to find the best next step or where to turn to. And self-help books give you that guidance. 
    • Habit trackers or guided journals are also a wonderful thing because it allows you to reflect on your day and find what was a positive and what was a negative part of your day. I have one and it tracks things as much as how was my mood, what made it good, what made it worse, and even goes as far as what caused the bad/good and how did I correct it if I did. I truly like to think of myself as a positive person but when things like an awful 4 weeks happen it is really hard to find good and positive things, so my tracker has been a huge help with this. (I’ll post it on Instagram today so you can see what one I use) 
  9. Honesty and Trust 
    • I hinted at it before but so many people told me that I have to be honest with myself all the time. I can’t say I am okay; when I am not. Even though I know I will eventually be okay. I have to be honest when I know I need help. Being honest they say will help me navigate what I am feeling and allow me to process everything a bit more. Truthfully this has been one of the hardest parts for me because I’m so used to lying to myself till I believe the lie and I can’t do that anymore. 
    •  Trust the process, trust me. It’s going to hurt; it’s going to hurt a lot. But I have to trust that I am strong enough to get through this and be a better person. 
  10. Focus on what makes you uncomfortable 
    •   I used to have a coach that said “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. She would say this as a way to remind us all that nobody grows inside their comfort zone. When you’re uncomfortable you’re forced to come face to face with why are you uncomfortable and how can you fix it. 
    • Now by no means, if snakes make you uncomfortable should you go throw yourself in a snake pit…but more to figure out why you’re uncomfortable around them. What about a snake that makes you uncomfortable. 
  11. Modern Day “Run Away” 
    •  I’d be lying if I said I did not have this already planned… My friend calls this the modern-day run away because it kind of is that. Tell only those who need to know where you’re going (be it a friend’s house, a family member’s place, a beach house, a timeshare, a hotel, etc.) Agree on how often check-in should be (every 3 days or so). Go there and when you get there let the people know and turn off the phone. Get off social media, get away from emails, and calls; just focus on you and your healing. 
    • I know this may not be possible for everyone but sometimes you really do need to take an extended time to just get away focus on yourself and work on yourself in silence. 

Now if you’re like me and completely lost and feel like you have to restart your life; I think you are incredibly brave. Making that decision is not an easy one and it’s even harder to do it; just know I’m cheering you on. And if you’re afraid to do it it is okay, but I believe in you. To be very clear it is okay to not be okay. It’s okay to fall apart one day and be okay the next. It’s okay to take all the time you need to heal and work on yourself. You should never feel bad for choosing and taking time to work on yourself. Another big truth for me was making sure I took time Living in the moment. It helped remind me that as bad as things are I have a lot to be lucky for. 

You only get this one life; you deserve to be happy and live it as authentically as possible. It’s also okay to ask for help; I did and still do every day. If you’re struggling please do not give up, I hope this finds you so you know that you are not alone. As well as that you can always come to me if you ever need to talk to someone; I am always happy to give an ear and listen to anyone’s problems. Your Internet big sis believes in you and knows she is always here for you. And if you ever get lost; just as your big sis xoxo KMH

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