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Q and A from “Broken Heart Chronicles”

broken heart

SO today’s blog is a tad different than normal. Personally, this was something I truly debated a lot about writing and even posting. After I posted my blog about my Broken Heart Chronicles, I received a ton of questions asking about it. At first, I was like, damn everyone is so nosey let me be…and then I remembered I decided to be an advice blogger and the Internet’s unofficial big sister. Which brought me to young KMH; who used to ask questions about people’s problems to learn from them as well as get advice without asking for advice. So yes this blog is a tad more uncomfortable for me…but the only way to grow is by being uncomfortable. 

So below I have put together all the various questions I was asked along with my answers to them. Again I will ask that you be kind, this is just my point of view on things as well as my opinions and the best advice I could possibly give; every single person handles breakups differently. I do believe I have gathered them all so I do apologize if I missed yours. If you were one of those people who asked, hopefully, this gives you some insight as well as answers/peace you were looking for. For those of you not asking for this, don’t worry next week I got blogs coming on new topics (like apartment hunting and summer to-do lists).

Who helped or has helped you through this?

  • My mom has been a huge help; shoulder to cry on and even a lap to crawl into. I low key thinks she absolutely loves it as not living at home she sometimes feels I’m too grown to need her and this just showed her I will always. My dad has taken it upon himself to be my motivational support. We run together every time I go home, and having someone push you and believe in you has been a real motivational boost. My siblings and friends have just been trying to keep me laughing and distracted. And the doggos and puppies in my life. The amount of cuddles, kisses, and bedtime snuggles I have gotten has been amazing. I truly recommend finding an amazing support system in general; mine has been with me through every new version of rock bottom I tend to find. 

Do you think he is fully to blame? 

  • Blame is a strong word and it’s hard to say since I feel like I don’t have all the answers. But if I have to answer yes or no, I would say no, I truly believe something I did/say triggered something; what exactly I do not know but it is what it is. However, I am an adult and after most things end I do like to look at myself and say what could I have done better? How could I have been a better version of myself? Things that I fall short on are that if/when I get into another relationship I am conscious of my shortcomings and can work on them. As I truly believe I am the farthest thing from perfect but still try to be the best version of myself every day. So if you’re going through a break up please don’t think you were perfect, look at the areas you should work on so you can grow too. 

Why are you so nice and hopefully for him when he broke your heart? 

  • Because in the past I have been the cold heart bitch who always ran away when it came to love; and all it did was leave me all alone. I thought I was protecting myself when I thought I was too broken and damaged to love and be loved and I was so wrong. Being a bitter cold-hearted bitch did nothing good for me, and I would prefer not to go back to that version of myself. So yes my heart did get broken but being bitter, mean, and petty isn’t going to fix it. And there aren’t many people I don’t want to see succeed in life; everyone deserves to be happy even if I am not a part of it. 

When do you think you’ll start dating again? 

  • Ugh…I’m not really sure when exactly. Right now my main and only focus is my relationship with myself, my family, and my friends. So for now I’d like to just work and focus on those and make sure I am happy and eventually I’m sure I will be ready to start attempting dating again. Everyone has his or her own timeline do what makes you feel comfortable. 

How do you not understand the phrase “I’m not ready”? 

  • Never said I did not understand it; in fact, I have used that exact phrase before in my life and have had it used on me in the past. However; in those situations, it’s usually said after date 1 and before date 3. We were well past date 3. I just don’t understand it in the sense of us. And maybe I’m just a naive person but when people say things like I want to be with you, I love you, You’re worth it, You’re my world, talk about the future and put you in it, as well as make long term plans with me I believe them. So yes I do understand the phrase “I am not ready” but when you do all of that it just feels like someone played with my emotions and feelings or spent all that time lying to either themselves or me. I recommend always being honest and having that open communication with your significant other. It saves so much stress and fewer arguments down the road. 

Do you think you will ever get back together? 

  • Ummmm I don’t really know, but right now I just don’t see that happening mainly because there is no longer trust on my end. As well as I would have so many walls up and be so guarded of my emotions and feelings it wouldn’t be how it was. So for now that book is closed and locked away already collecting. I am a big believer in if it’s meant to be, it will find a way. But some things are not meant to be.  

Do you think you guys could be friends? 

  • Maybe? I really don’t know, like I said above there is no trust and in any “ship” relationship, partnership, and even friendship there has to be trusted and it’s not there for me. I would say he would have to put in a lot of work and a lot of effort to try and earn that back; which I am not sure he even wants to do. I say he because I tried to fight to save our relationship and it felt like he didn’t and we did not have a friendship prior to dating. So to me once the relationship ended there was nothing left, we did not have a strong friendship foundation to fall back on, we had met with the intentions of seeing each other and did not build a friendship first (maybe our downfall who knows). It would take a lot of work and effort to build that in my opinion. I would also be very standoffish and defensive to protect myself and my emotions and not everyone likes that because that wasn’t how I was before. 

Are you worried he hates you now? 

  • Nope. I lose sleep over a lot of things, but if someone likes me or not is not one of them. This is me take it or leave it no exceptions.  If he hates me that’s all on him. 

You’ll never win him back after this blog. 

  • Well, thank you! I did not write the blog to try and win him back. I will not be trying to win him back at all, clearly, he is going through some stuff and has to figure it out and does not want me. I fought for the relationship when it was still a relationship and made it very clear I was willing to continue to do so it’s over and I can rest now. I wrote the blog just like everyone prior and every one after to help people and give them an inside look into my life so they know they aren’t alone. That is why I started this blog in the first place, so people had a safe place to go and find advice. I wasn’t going to hide this part of my life from them. Because news flash everyone goes through some sort of breakup. 

How do you expect him to ever contact you? 

  • Well, first I don’t expect him to ever contact me. But I only blocked him on social media and only deleted his contact so I wouldn’t go looking and wondering how he is doing and if he missed me. It’s easier to think he doesn’t at all and him out of sight allows me to focus on my happiness and myself. So if he wants to talk he can try, and hopefully, he knows if he ever needed me I would be there. But that is being hopeful. If he did the same thing then we’re just never talking again and that is fine too. 

Would you change any of it? 

  • I definitely wish there was more communication on the emotional side of him like when these feelings or thoughts came up. I had asked before we started dating if he was ready.  I even opened the conversation of us moving too quickly and needing to slow down a few times just to make sure we were happy and moving in a direction and pace that we both felt was right. I do feel if we had talked about these concerns/ emotions together prior to the break up the whole situation would have been much different. I also probably would prefer not to feel like I am missing some key facts/pieces but can’t change the past. And at the end of the day even if I am missing pieces the picture doesn’t change. 

Do you regret getting rid of everything? 

  • Plead the fifth; kidding no I don’t. It was what felt best for me. I have things from previous relationships but for this one, I felt the best way for me to move on was to throw out, burn, preeminently delete, block, and everything else.

Do you feel stupid being in your current situation? 

  • Honestly yes. Mainly because I have never been so wrong about a person. Usually, I am so good at reading people and just picking up on things but now I’m second-guessing everything hopefully that fades soon. 

What is the best advice someone gave you from this? 

  • To feel all the emotions, let them out and don’t hold onto them or try to suppress them. I definitely did this and it helped a lot processing everything. Cry, scream, break things (safely), etc. whatever you got to do to get all the emotions out, holding them in just makes them worse down the road. 

If he reached out would you answer or reply? 

  • I am not sure. I don’t know if I’d be ready to have a conversation right now. Maybe I will never be ready, I don’t know. Haven’t put much thought into “what if’s”. And even if he did I don’t even know what I would say.

What things did you have to cancel?

  • Uh, I had to cancel a custom Birthday Gift I had been made to hold all his race medals, tickets to a sports event we had constantly talked about going to, a post-summer weekend away with a getaway cabin (this was a surprise), and a Disney Trip but if I’m being I just canceled all his tickets and information as of right now I’m still going to Disney just solo. But I was able to get my money back on all of it.; people were very kind to a sobbing me as I can’t even tell you their return policy as I did not look it up I just wanted it all canceled.

Were you like this for all your breakups? 

  • HA, absolutely not. I wish I was more like old me, be sad for three days max, drink some tequila, dance it out, and remind myself I’m worth it and someone someday is going to prove to me that I am. And Yes I have tried all of that not the same bounce back at the moment as it was in the past.  And there were even some cold heartless bitch days where I said BYEEEE and never looked back. 

Does it get easier? 

  • Absolutely. Take it day by day; some days you will be on cloud 9 and other days you’re going to want to not leave the bed. But just focus on yourself and what you can do to continue to grow. Each day it will get a little easier I promise.

Are there things you struggle to do? 

  • In the beginning, the thought of continuing the shows or movies we watched together would send me into tears. But now I’m just curious how they end or how they connect and my curiosity is always going to win. I do however have a Claddagh ring that I wore every day and I still can’t bring myself to wear it on my hand so for now, it sits on a chain around my neck. I am sure soon I’ll be able to wear it again. 

Why won’t you wait for him? 

  • It’s not that I wouldn’t wait for him, I don’t believe in waiting for anyone when it comes to things in life like this. The second you pause your emotional, physical, and mental growth you slow down becoming the best and happiest version of you and I just don’t want to waste time becoming her. Plus people grow at different rates, who is to say when you wait for someone they don’t pass you while they grow and work on themselves, then you just wasted your own time not growing.

Do you not think the memories are the worst part of the breakup? 

  • Oh, they are by far the fucking worst. The flashbacks and the memories that play in your mind when you close your eyes. Or even the habits you did like sending reels, sending memes, or going to pick up my phone to text them about their day. It’s like right we don’t do that anymore. I didn’t talk about those because I kind of just assumed everyone knew they were the worst. They are also the hardest ones to talk about. Nothing like getting a flashback and being like right that is no longer my life.

Do you think you’re handling it well? 

  • “Well” is another tricky term. I think I am handling it the best I can each day. As I said, everyone handles this stuff differently. 

Do you think he misses you? Do you miss him?

  • I do miss him, however, I don’t think about it. I don’t like to think about things I once had and no longer have. It distracts me from what I do have and what I could have, and I am constantly chasing what I want to have. As far as him missing me I doubt it.

Any Advice? My relationship hit a rough patch. 

  • Rough patches are normal! I will say if you want the relationship to work you have to be willing to put in the work and fight for the “us” not the “I’m right you’re wrong”. If you’re going to quit when things get hard this is not for you. All the greatest love stories are not smooth sailing but the ones that overcome and beat the odds. They take effort, patience, time, and a lot of work. Constantly choosing your partner every day even when they are at their lowest and not giving up when they push you away. There are going to be good days and bad days; the secret is the bad days are going to make the good days amazing and memorable. So if you’re going through a rough patch, talk about it, express your emotions and feelings, listen to what they are saying, and try to see things from their side. Communicate your emotions and feelings and don’t you dare say “I don’t know what you want me to say ” say how it made you feel, say what popped into your head, and talk through it all. If you can do that and still want the relationship, you’re going to get through the rough patches. So if you think it is worth it and your significant other is worth it stand your ground and fight for their relationship. Let them know you not giving up on the “us”. I have so much respect for those who do it.

Hopefully, I answered all of them, and I won’t lie this was really uncomfortable to do. Not because I don’t want to answer them I just don’t like talking about the break up it still hurts a bit. And in no way am I trying to show ill will or that I don’t care; I’m just a girl trying to be realistic in my own expectations and move the fuck on. So hopefully after this everyone’s curiosity is cured. And if you were asking for advice without asking for advice I won’t judge you just ask for advice! I’d be more than happy to give it to you. But for now, I’d very much like to not talk about this break-up ever again :). Again no ill will just bigger better things are meant for me and hopefully one day a better and stronger relationship. Tune in next week as we come back with my other advice on the fun stuff. I really miss the fun stuff less drama stuff. And if you need advice just as your big sis; this time I promise to respond not in a blog. 🙂 KMH 

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