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Dear me….

Dear me….

As I got to my mini getaway to relax; a lot of emotions and feelings really came over me. And I realized how grateful I was to be able to do all that I do and experience and share those things. One of them is me being vulnerable. Which typically isn’t something I normally do. Late last night as I was goi f through my written blogs on what one to have posted for today at my usual 5 am I realized none of them seemed right and thought maybe I’ll just skip?

As I closed my laptop and picked up my phone to answer some texts look at some pictures I had taken earlier today. And think about a conversation I had earlier I found myself going to a note I wrote myself a week or two ago. And I read it’s probably five times before going to bed thinking we’ve come a long way. When I woke up early to figure out what blog to post nothing seemed to fit still. And then it dawned on me. Post the note.

Being vulnerable especially with my emotions isn’t something I typically LOVE doing. A lot of the time I despise it, especially in person. Expressing my feelings, my emotions, and having to explain is one of my least favorite things to do. But I know that it’s something I have to do to feel better. And blogging about them is one of those ways that help me, another way is me writing notes to myself to read later when “it has passed” but it also helps me get my emotions out and my feelings. Believe it or not, I have one written for myself at a few milestone birthdays already. But today something just felt like something was off and maybe that was me needing this note.

Dear Me,

The last 6 weeks haven’t been too kind to you. You’ve broken down, picked yourself up, told people you were okay even when you are not, and have had more sleepless nights than you ever had before. You’ve felt weak and a little bit like a loser; something you haven’t even dared called yourself in the past. You have spent days traveling or as some would call running from your problems but we know that isn’t true. You have been searching for answers: who you are, where you want to be, what makes you happy, feel alive, and hundreds of other deep questions you never thought of asking yourself.

And as scary as it’s been each day you have gotten up put on a smile and said I can do this. You had days of laughing on the floor being, out till the sun came up talking with someone, developing connections, and moments filled with clarity. You had nights spent on roofs you’ll remember forever. You danced in the kitchen and remembered to laugh at yourself. You’re even toasted to the memories with optimism for the future. You’ve enjoyed sunrises, sunsets, late-night stars, and a solar eclipse. Days full of puppy cuddles and kisses, and long runs in the rain. Dinners with family, friends, and celebrations. And I’m so proud of you for constantly looking for the good even on the worst days. You are trying and never giving up.

I know this hasn’t been easy but you got to do some amazing things you would have never experienced had all this not happen. I know change is coming and there is nothing we can’t handle. So head up put on that smile and keep going. We’re almost there. Life is an adventure and I’m grateful to be going through this.

💜 Me.

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