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Fighting Perfection

Fighting Perfection

Growing up perfection was something I never knowingly strived for. However, it was something I subconsciously fought for. To be the perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend (when I dated), perfect co-worker, and anything else I subconsciously wanted to picture-perfect, webster dictionary, the movie version of perfect for whatever role I was actively playing at that moment. The issue with being subconsciously striving to be perfect or even consciously is you fail to grow and fail to become your own person. I struggled with my own identity because of it. 

Around 2018 maybe even 2019 I started realizing all these things. I was living the life people expected of me as opposed to the life I wanted to live. I was losing my passion for people that didn’t care about it. I was putting extra effort into people who never returned or reciprocated the effort. I had lost parts of me in people that kept them like thieves, and I felt like it was all my fault because I wasn’t good enough, or perfect enough to think so. Till I sat down and thought about the fact how my thought of being perfect was stunting who I should become. 

I was miserable plain and simple as black and white as it could possibly be. I was too busy being perfect for others around me I stopped checking in with myself. I was putting in all this extra time, extra effort, and extra anything possible. But all that extra had to come from somewhere and it all came from my self-care. So I decided to one drop it all, and all I am talking about is the desire to be perfect. Fuck anyone and everything that expects me to be perfect. It is physically impossible to be perfect every single day. People get sick, people go through personal issues, people have bad days, and people cannot control everything. We are humans and no human is perfect 100% of the time hell even robots/computers aren’t perfect all the time time. 

After realizing how much I was stunting my growth, I took some time to figure out who and what I wanted to be. I didn’t want to go from striving to be perfect to barely get by. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be a good sister, a good friend, a good daughter, a good worker, and a good person. I choose good because I knew there was room for growth and movement. Good days helped me feel encouraged, celebrated, and also created happiness. Good allied improvement, good even helped me feel like I could have various forms of good days. Plus on not-so-good days (bad days) the margin of “failure” was so much smaller. Especially compared to my old version of perfect anything less was a bad day. 

The first thing I started to do was acknowledge that I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of someone else. In order for me to do this, I knew I needed to start working on a schedule where each day I dedicated a minimum of 15 minutes to myself. Fifteen minutes where the only person I focus on was myself be it exercise class, meditation, working out, a bubble bath, some pamper time, writing in my journal, or even just reading a book. I also started listening to what my body needed. I was tired, well let’s try going to be early or even sleeping in a bit later. This allowed me to give myself a break and recover plus I was a lot happier knowing that I was putting in the time to make sure I was okay and to see what else I needed. 

There were other issues I found when it came to trying to make everything I did or the way I acted seem so severe. One being the impossible standard I was setting and failing at daily, the other being the example I was setting for those around me and those who looked up to me. My friends, peers, and siblings who looked up to me had this unrealistic vision of who I was and my happiness. All because I tried to be perfect in their eyes every single day. It’s just, not a reachable goal. So I resorted back to being good if I can be a good sister, a good friend, a good coworker I would be much more realistic, and obtainable goal, a better role model, and more important more myself. 

The big thing I notice once I stopped reaching for perfection daily was a lot of things in my life changed. I started to realize the job I “loved” was not a happy or even positive workplace and I was miserable. A lot of the people I called my friends were very much a one-way street, They expected me to be perfect and treat them like the best friend all while they treated me like an acquaintance when they had time. My friends who put in the effort I worked on developing those relationships. Being more real and honest with them as well as myself about the relationships. I was able to be a more real and relatable sister and my relationship with my siblings changed for the better. They no longer saw me as this high and mighty unrelatable person. Everything in my life started to change and to my change for the better, all because perfection was stunting my growth. 

Now, this may all sound crazy as so many of us are expected to perform flawlessly or to be perfect every single day especially when it comes to working. However, the issue I see with someone always trying to be perfect is they are never allowed to have bad days. We are humans we make mistakes and that’s okay its how we learn from them, how we bounce back from them that truly matters. 

I also want to point out that this changed and the fix didn’t happen overnight. This was something I constantly pushed for, constantly worked on, and still continue to work on today. I often tell myself, “All you can do is try your best, it may not be perfect and that is okay”. So each day I struggle and fight with my own version of perfection and each day the good win a little bit more. Trying to be perfect was the worst thing I could ever have done to myself. Striving to be flawless and perfect only stunted who I was meant to be. All I want to do now is be the best version of myself even with her flaws and lack of perfection simply because I find a lot of the good in the moments that are far from perfect. So today I encourage you to fight the idea of perfect and focus on just being good. No one is perfect all the time I promise. I mean just take a look at all my blog posts there are thousands of spelling errors! Be real, do good, try your best and I promise everything will change for the better. Your unofficial big sis KMH.

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