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Putting you First this Holiday Season

Putting you First this Holiday Season

Putting yourself first this holiday season is probably the last thing on your mind; personally putting me first during the holidays never crosses my mind yet it should. With the days getting shorter and the nights longer, we all know it means the holidays are coming up. Growing up I was constantly taught the holidays are all about giving to others. I love that message…except giving to others doesn’t mean I shouldn’t also be giving to myself. I mean I probably should be giving more attention to myself than I normally do. 


You may be asking why; well that’s because I’m giving so much of myself to others I have to make sure I’m giving equal attention, love, and care to myself. We all exert a lot of energy trying to make it all perfect. From finding the perfect gift, showing people in your life you’re grateful for them, and even just trying to bring the holiday cheer. It’s a lot to handle; hell it’s a lot to juggle. I rarely take a minute or even a second to ask myself am I okay? Is this good? So when you’re putting yourself first this holiday season what are some things you should do or even keep an eye on? Don’t worry You know I’ve got a few tips. 


  • Check your emotions 
    • When I say this I don’t mean to control them. I mean understand your emotions and check in on them. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we are giving out till at the end of the day we have nothing left for ourselves
  • Buy yourself a gift 
    • You spend hours hunting for the perfect gift for people in your life. But you also are someone in your life. Now I’m not saying get something off your wishlist, or buy yourself that $500 pair of shoes (if you want to go for it!) But maybe get yourself a massage gift card, nail salon gift card, or maybe you go out and buy some Epson salt/bath bombs/candles or whatever relaxes you. 
      • This way when the holidays are over you know you have something just for you that you can use when you need it or the second they are all over. 
  • Accept things are not going to be perfect 
    • YOU cannot control everything. Especially this holiday season Amazon packages are backed up, shipments are delayed, plans change, people are going through a lot, and so many other things. I mean there are just so many moving parts. 
  • Create/find a safe space 
    • I am the first person to tell you seeing family and friends and being interrogated about your life from work, relationships, and your life can be a lot to emotionally and physically handle. So finding a place where you can take a moment in private to breathe, maybe whip some tears, or whatever you have to do is a great thing during the holidays 
      • I do not recommend the bathroom as you may be interrupted but it may be your only option. 
      • Also, the location may change throughout the day/night. I know my family watches football in my grandma’s basement and I go to one of the bedrooms to breathe, but at night everyone is on the main floor and in the bedrooms so I switch to the basement. 
  • Know your limits
    • Just because everyone is staying at your Aunts house from 10 am till 8 pm. This does not mean you have to also stay or be around 
      • Yes, carpooling saves the planet but for your sanity, if driving yourself will help you be more comfortable having your own arrival and departure times do it. 
  • Have a safe buddy 
    • Safe buddy may not be the best term but it’s the best I have. A safe buddy could be a family member, a friend, a significant other. Someone who is either with you physically or virtually that you can talk to when things get a bit much or you get anxious. 
      • My brother and I both know ASL (American sign language) and if one of us needs a second to breathe or one of us needs to talk to the other in private we’ll sign help or anything and the other one knows we need some space 
      • This works really great when a family member corned one of us and darts giving us the investigator interrogation about our lives. 
  • Off Limit topics 
    • A lot happens in life and no one sends out newsletters saying “Tim and I broke up, I left my job, Sally and I aren’t friends, I dropped out of college,” or whatever may have happened; maybe bring up to your mom or dad. Just say hey… I have been through a lot this year could you maybe tell people not to ask me about x. 
      • I do this with my mom; I’ll say hey I don’t care if they know about this event; however, I really don’t want to talk about it. And my mom will let people know 
      • My siblings also are great and stepping in and cutting things off if they hear someone asking about the “forbidden topics” 
  • Find Topics 
    • If you’re seeing family you have not seen or spoken to in a while and you want to avoid awkward small talk, do some research. What have they been up to, what topics can you talk with them about (oh I see Aunt Lindsey saw Black widow as well we can talk about that)?
    • You can even think about your life and what things you feel comfortable talking or sharing about. Maybe you redid your bedroom and can share some photos, or videos so you can share them.
      • I find it a lot more relaxing and comfortable when I have topics prepped that I can talk to someone about or even questions I can ask and not feel so off guard.

I think putting you first this holiday season is more important than ever. Especially since the past year a lot of us didn’t have a “normal” holiday season. It can be very overwhelming seeing family and friends again in a holiday setting after over a year apart. If you need a refresher on how to act at a party or as a guest read up on “The do’s and don’ts when attending a party” Yes, the holidays are a wonderful time, but we give so much of ourselves to others that we rarely ever check in on ourselves to make sure we are okay. I love the holidays, I look forward to them, but I also know that if I do not take time for myself my anxiety will go through the roof. Yes, I know “But KMH The Holidays are about giving” Very true, but you cannot light yourself on fire to keep others warm. I constantly say you have to take time each day; to do self-care/self-love; and that even means during the holidays. You can be thankful for your family and still know you cannot spend 24 hrs straight with them. 


So as we slide down the steep slippery slide of heading not the holidays remember to make sure you’re also giving yourself the love and attention. Making sure you make time for yourself isn’t going to ruin the magic of the holidays, ruin time with your family, and it’s not going to make your days more stressful. If anything it’s going to make all of that so much better. So say it with me “Putting you first this holiday season, is okay and encouraged.” So please for your sanity, your mental health, and even your own happiness. It’s okay to pause and take a break; I know you’ll be able to get through this holiday season I absolutely believe in you. If you ever need help or your own personal cheerleader You know I’ll always be there for you. Just ask your big sis -KMH 



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