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Creating Boundaries

Creating Boundaries

One of the biggest things I was taught or was spoken to about was creating boundaries. I often find that in today’s society boundaries are a huge topic. Personally, it is one of my favorite things that society has worked on. Now some of you may be asking was exactly is a boundary? 

 

Personal Boundry: Guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. 

 

Creating boundaries is not just allowing some people in and other people not. It shows people your limits on specific topics and subjects. It also helps keep you in a  positive mental state, as well as being comfortable in social situations. One thing to remember about boundaries is they are not meant to keep people out of your life but rather to keep you safe and comfortable.

 

Now before we take about creating boundaries, let’s talk about the importance and why you should be setting personal/emotional/physical. I think it is important to know how having boundaries truly can help you. 

 

  • Helps Create an Identity 
    • Having boundaries shows what you see as okay and what you do not see as okay. This allows you to have your own personal identity based on your own values, desires, and personal morals. 
  • Supports Good Mental Health 
    • Creating boundaries shows your limit or how much you can mentally take. By having boundaries you are able to make sure you are not over-exerting yourself or mentally draining/taxing on yourself. As boundaries are used to protect you. 
  • Influence others 
    • Once people are able to understand and see your boundaries it helps show/teach others how to set boundaries. It also helps others see who you are and what you care about. 
  • Identifies how you see yourself 
    • Not everyone likes the same things or even respects themselves in the same way. By creating boundaries you are showing your people that not only do you value these boundaries but you also value yourself. 

 

How do you create a boundary? How do you maintain them? How do you enforce them? 

 

  • Understand what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable 
    • This could be anything from a certain topic, visiting a place, or even completing an action. 
    • If you do not like giving hugs you do not have to give hugs! 
  • Be consistent with the boundaries you set 
    • This does not mean that certain people have different boundaries but do not let someone cross the boundary every now and then just because they can 
  • Speak up when someone has crossed your boundary 
    • When you create a boundary most people (nor do you) have to inform everyone about the boundary. But the way you keep the boundary is by informing people when they have crossed it. 
    • Think of it as an allergy, if you are allergic to peanuts you don’t casually let someone feed you a PBJ just because they forgot. 
  • Don’t Over Explain 
    • You do not have to explain to anyone why they can’t say, act, or do something toward you. It is your boundary to keep you safe and healthy both mentally and physically

 

Having boundaries is a great way to make sure you are never overexerting yourself or spreading yourself too thin. We often over-exert ourselves not jets physically but mentally by not having or not following our boundaries. You do not have to solve everyone’s problems all of the time. In fact, you don’t have to solve anyone’s problems but your own. 

 

Now not everyone is going to be able to want to respect your boundaries. It is not your responsibility to change for those people. These are your boundaries for your physical and Mental Health if people can not respect them they are not your people. 

 

Make sure you surround yourself not only with people who love you but people who also respect you and your boundaries. Your boundaries can change over time. They can even slightly vary from people in your life. These are your boundaries, create them as you wish. But whatever you do make sure you create them to benefit you. – Unofficial Big Sister KMH

 

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